The Mission Briefing 2017: Anything for Some Peace and Quiet
by Papa Bear Awards
Summary: You know, guarding a bunch of crazy prisoners is hard work. We guards deserve a break! Results are up! Start at chapter 32.
1. Conning the Conners

.

 **The Mission Briefing 2017:**

 **ANYTHING FOR SOME PEACE AND QUIET**

.

"Was ist los?"

With a sigh, Mittendorfer fell down on the hard wooden bench in the Guards' Mess, and Kurtz couldn't help but give him a look of pity. He could very well guess what was "los". It was the same thing that was always "los".

And indeed. "You know what they did now? They were supposed to clean the Kommandant's car, and when they were done and had it ready for the Kommandant for inspection, there was an explosion under the hood when he turned the ignition. Which means the Kommandant's car will be out of commission for weeks to come, while _they_ get to fix it. As punishment!" He shook his head. "I can't understand how the Kommandant allows them even near his car after all the wrecking they've done with it."

"But they mean well," Schnüffis contributed. "They're just not very good mechanics."

"Exactly." Mittendorfer took off his helmet and raked his fingers through his hair. "Would you let such disastrous mechanics near your car?"

Schnüffis grinned. "I don't have a car."

"But would you?"

A shake of the head. "Probably not. Once they've messed it up a few times..."

"And the way they're always messing up roll call," Kinkel added a particular pet peeve of his.

"And always blame us for all the crazy stuff that's going on here." Steinmetz folded his arms. "They are the ones doing it, but it's us the Kommandant gets mad at! Like last week, when they made half the west fence fall down."

Schnüffis chuckled. "I thought that was quite a feat though."

"Maybe," Steinmetz granted. "But why do we get the blame? It's not fair!"

"They should behave as ordinary prisoners," Sergeant Schmidt agreed. "Quiet. Subdued. Defeated. Bored. But they're anything but."

"Schultz calls them 'naughty boys'," Mittendorfer recalled. "That's what they are indeed. They need a good spanking."

"Colonel Hogan would never let you," Kurtz sighed. "I'm sure the Geneva Convention would have something to say about that."

"They're a regular menace," Schmidt declared. "Bent on making our lives as miserable as they possibly can."

In his corner at the end of the table, young Langenscheidt had a quiet smile. "Except when they have those Papa Bear Awards going on. Dreaming of what they _could_ be doing. Then it's as quiet as a churchyard around here. For months!"

"Just giving them ideas," Schmidt grunted.

"Maybe. But it does give us a few months of peace and quiet every year."

Schnüffis's eyes glittered. "Maybe we could start some Papa Bear Awards for them! You know, find a bunch of stories for them to read, and as a result we've got some peace and quiet!"

Mittendorfer raised his eyes to heaven. " _Anything_ for some peace and quiet around here!"

"But where do we find stories?" the ever practical Steinmetz asked. "It's not like they can read German. Where do we find English and French stories for them?"

Kurtz chuckled. "I know. There is one man we ask for that."

"Colonel Hogan?" Schmidt guessed.

Kurtz shook his head. "He's the one we need to calm down the most - well, maybe after that British fellow and the little French guy from Barracks 2. No, I meant our fearless leader."

Eyes went wide. "Kommandant Klink?!"

Kurtz almost choked on his laughter. "Never!"

"Captain Gruber then?"

"No. I mean our one and only Sergeant Schultz!"

* * *

"You want me to do what?!"

"Look, Sergeant, all we're asking for is to be able to do our jobs in peace and quiet. We're sick of the prisoners' endless schemes to make fun of us. So we figured we could give them one of those Papa Bear Awards to decide on. When they're busy reading all the stories, they don't have time to go around harassing us."

"Yes, I see that, but..." Schultz shook his head. "To steal from the prisoners...?"

"It's not like they're going to report it to the Kommandant," Mittendorfer pointed out. "I mean, the thing can't possibly be legally theirs. And steal from a thief, and the one thing you can be sure of is that they won't report it."

Schultz sighed. "I wouldn't be too sure of that where Colonel Hogan is concerned."

"Besides, we'll give it back. We don't need to steal it for real," Kurtz added. "We borrow it, we get the stories, and then we give it back. How long could that take?"

Schultz eyed him speculatively. "Do you know how to work this thing?"

"Well, no, but how hard can it be? They can do it."

"Come on, Sergeant," Mittendorfer pleaded. "We can at least try? Don't you want some peace and quiet around here?"

"Just sitting in the sun, enjoying the day?" Kurtz added.

"Hm..." Schultz wasn't willing to reply to that too openly. "Well, I'll see what I can do."

* * *

"Achtung!"

No one looked up from their activities, except young Carter. "And good evening to you, too, Schultz!"

Schultz sighed. That boy was a lost cause. He would never learn, would he... "Where is Colonel Hogan?" he asked instead.

Carter shrugged. "I don't know. Wasn't he with the Kommandant?"

"No, he was not," Schultz replied with emphasis. "I saw him go in here myself. Mere minutes ago. Isn't he in his office?"

"Why don't you check?" Newkirk suggested lazily.

Schultz looked around. Somehow, he had a feeling he wouldn't find Colonel Hogan in his office, and if that was the case, he sincerely did not want to know where the man was. He wavered for a moment, and then he came to a decision. "Well, maybe you can help me, too."

"Anything for our favourite Kraut," Newkirk smirked, and patted Schultz's rotund figure.

"Newkirk, don't do that," Schultz chided. "Give back whatever you took from me just now."

A cheeky grin was his reply, and his cigarettes and watch changed hands again back to their owner.

"So what can we help you with, Schultz?" Olsen inquired. "Need some help surrendering?"

"No. I can do that myself, thank you. But..." He glanced uneasily from one to the other. "Do you happen to know where Colonel Hogan keeps that magical thingy that you guys brought back from the Fanfic Court?" (1)

"What magical thingy?" Newkirk's question was all innocence, but the narrowing of his eyes told Schultz that he knew very well what he was talking about.

"I don't know... what was it called again? Come-doer? Something like that? The magical thing with all the stories on it."

"Oh, you mean the computer!" the ever helpful Carter blurted out. "We've got that in... oompf..."

"Blabbermouth..." LeBeau chided him before removing his hand.

"Yes?" Schultz prompted hopefully. "That's the thing I'm talking about."

"What do you need a thing like that for, Schultzie?" Newkirk wanted to know. "I'm sure your fingers are too podgy to handle such small keys."

"I'm sure they are. But it's not for me - it's for the guards."

This made everybody's eyebrows shoot up. "For the guards?"

"What on earth do the guards need a computer for?" LeBeau scoffed.

"It's a surprise," Schultz told them with conspiracy in his voice. "For Colonel Hogan. And for you. They want to... No. It will have to be a surprise."

"Well, you can't have it," Newkirk decided. "Baker is designing a special edition of Monopoly on it. Instead of shopping streets, it's got all the major German cities on it, and your goal is to take over as many cities as you can."

"That can wait," Carter said. "He's been working on that since the first week we brought it here. But boy, I love surprises! Isn't it great that the guards want to surprise us?"

"With a special bed check or something? No, thanks."

"Not a bed check," Schultz promised. "They've noticed how restless you all have been lately, and they want to do something to help you fight the boredom of being a prisoner. So they thought they could organize the Papa Bear Awards for you. Isn't that nice of them?"

Now everybody was staring at Schultz.

"The Papa Bear Awards?" LeBeau echoed.

"Blimey, yeah, it's already, what... the seventh of January?" Newkirk did some quick calculations in his head. "That's right, it's time for the Papa Bear Awards!"

"Boy, I love the Papa Bear Awards! I love reading about all the explosions and things!" Carter added. "When can we start?"

"As soon as the guards can have the come-doer thing to collect the stories for you," Schultz announced.

"Right. I'll go and get it!" Before anyone could stop him, Carter dove towards one of the altered footlockers and dug out their old laptop from the secret compartment at the bottom. "Here you are, Schultz. When do you think we can start reading?"

"I'll tell the boys to get on it right away," Schultz promised.

But, "One moment, if you please," Newkirk said as he stepped in between Schultz and the door. "How do we know you guys aren't just going to drool over some girlie pictures, eh?"

Schultz pulled himself up to his full and rather impressive height. "They would not do that, Newkirk. They have a mission to accomplish. Besides, they wouldn't dare. Not while I will be there to supervise them."

"No, they'll be looking at the best recipes for scrambled eggs instead," Olsen muttered under his breath.

"Make that Apfelstrudel," Schultz nodded. "But I promise I'll bring it back as soon as we're done. And then you guys can start reading about all your dashing non-existing adventures. Ja?"

"Alright then." LeBeau tried to shove him in the direction of the door. "But be quick about it. It's been too long anyway. I wouldn't mind a good story with lots of women in it."

"One thing, Schultz." Olsen came forward as well. "What are we going to tell Colonel Hogan once he notices the computer is missing?"

Schultz smiled knowingly. "You tell him that you know nothing - _nothing!_ "

.

.

* * *

(1) See _Fanfic Court, The Original Series_

 _Author's note: with this one chapter I've already run out of canon and fanon guards I remember being stationed at Stalag 13. If you know of any others you'd like to see appear in the story, please send me a PM with the guard's name and the episode or story he appears in!_

 _And author's note number two, prompted by Thaddeus's review: honesty requires me to admit that my mind was totally blank this year when it came to an idea for the mission briefing. In fact, the story above was based off an idea from Book'em Again :-)_


	2. Start at the Beginning!

.

 **The PBA for Beginners**

.

The Papa Bear Awards is an annual game in which we elect the very best work in Hogan's Heroes fanfiction from the past year. It usually takes place between January and April, and has been around for several years – I believe since 2003.

We have several story categories, but we also elect the best portrayal of characters, the best quotes and the best teasers. Categories and rules have varied a bit over the years, but the basic idea has been the same: to elect and honour quality in Hogan's Heroes fanfiction.

The election process starts with a nominating round. Every HH fanfic author and every HH fanfic reader may nominate his favourites – this year 1 favourite in each category. It's not necessary to have read every story before you nominate – you can just nominate the best from among the stories you've read. And every nomination counts: one nomination is sufficient to continue to the voting round. (Only the most prestigious category "best story of 2016" works a bit differently. For more details, see the FAQ section!)

When all the nominations are in, they get published. Especially when there are so many stories to choose from as these past years, you may regard it as a very great honour to have your work nominated out of so many others!

Once the nominations are published, the voting round begins. In this round, everyone has 3 votes in each category. But we do ask that you try and read everything nominated in a category before making your decision in that category – for how can you make a well considered decision if you're not acquainted with all the good stuff that others nominated? Regularly, you'll discover some real jewels among the nominated work that you had missed during the year!

Of course it's not obligatory to participate in every category. If you are pressed for time, or if for example you're not interested in a certain category, you can just skip entire categories. As a matter of fact, the whole PBA is not obligatory at all. You can even choose to lurk in the dark, just having your stories out there and see what others think of it!

However, you don't have to feel obliged to stay away from nominating and voting just because you have stories participating this year. The majority of the nominators and voters in the PBA are in this position. As long as you can make an honest decision as to which story is best (and it may not always be your own), you are very welcome to participate. And rest assured: in order to prevent authors from shamelessly promoting their own work, we have a strict rule that authors cannot nominate their own work. Still, if someone else has nominated your work, you are indeed allowed to vote for it in the voting round :-)

Once all the votes are in, they will be tabulated. And the three winners in each category will be awarded a gold, a silver and a bronze Papa Bear Award. (Don't get your hopes up; it's nothing fancy – just a computer made pdf or jpg file :-) And of course the winners will get published in the next edition of The Stalag 13 Gazette website of !

* * *

And a few things to keep in mind:

The Papa Bear Awards are just a game.  
It's not a matter of life or death to win a Papa Bear Award.

Winning a Papa Bear Award will not grant you global fame.  
But it does feel good to know that your fellow HH authors appreciate your writing!

Participating in the Papa Bear Awards is free of charge.  
You won't win a million dollars with it either.

All HH stories that were completed in 2016 are in the PBA election by default.  
So you don't have to register to have them participate.  
(But feel free to tell us if you'd rather not have them participate.)

There is no reason to withdraw your work just because you feel shy.  
Let others be the judge of your writing  
And you might just be surprised at their opinion.  
FYI: every year, there is a fair number of new authors who win awards.  
Even gold awards!

The number of votes in the voting round are not made public.  
Thus if your story got nominated, but doesn't get any votes in the voting round  
You'll never know.

Nor will anybody else.  
So no embarrassment.

With so many stories out there as this year  
It really is a great honour to get your work nominated out of so many others.  
Even if you don't win an award.

And if you don't get anything nominated  
Look around at the fierce competition and you'll know there's no reason to feel bad.  
Just concentrate on the positive reviews you got for your work  
And don't be discouraged: keep writing!

There is no reason to suddenly hurry your stories to an end.  
It's fairly certain that there will be another PBA next year for you to participate in.

The Papa Bear Awards is an election of the best fanfiction work.  
It's about the **quality of writing**.  
It's not a contest to see who has the most friends.

If you'd like to check out the winners of the earlier editions of the PBA  
You can find links to them in the ffnet community "PBA Winners".

The Papa Bear Awards are organized by HH fanfic authors and readers just like you.  
We dedicate a lot of time to it

And have a lot of fun doing it  
But we don't make any money with it.

* * *

So who are we?

Konarciq  
(this year's director)

WhistleWhileYouWork, Belphegor, Winterfrost15 and Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit  
(assistants in practical matters)

Book'em Again and Snooky-9093  
(this year's PBA committee – they advise and supervise)

And remember:

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

We're only a PM or an email away!


	3. First Decisions

**.**

 **List of This Year's Categories**

 **.**

A little overview of this year's categories,  
with links to the lists of their eligible stories:

* * *

 **Best story of 2016**

The ultimate honour!

 _(Note: slash and crossover stories are not eligible here)_

* * *

 **Best snapshot**

The best story told in less than 1,000 words!

* * *

 **Best short story**

(3 categories: short comedy, short drama, and short general story)

The best stories told in 1000 – 5000 words!

* * *

 **Best long story**

(3 categories: long comedy, long drama, and long general story)

The best stories that took more than 5000 words to tell!

* * *

 **Best story based on an actual episode of the series**

* * *

 **Best story based on a challenge**

* * *

 **Most unique story**

A story with a unique plot twist, unusual writing style,

or one that is simply just strange and different and… well… unique!

You've never read anything like it!

* * *

 **Best crossover story**

* * *

 **Best slash story**

 _Note: due to their small number, the slash stories will not participate in the nominating round this year._

 _Instead, they will all go straight to the voting round, where you can pronounce your judgement._

* * *

 **Best portrayal of a canon character**

Who portrays the main Hogan's Heroes characters best?

This is where you nominate the best portrayal of

Hogan, Klink, Schultz, LeBeau, Newkirk, Kinch, Carter, Burkhalter and Hochstetter.

* * *

 **Best portrayal of a canon extra**

Best character performance from any other regular or guest character who originates from the original TV-show,

ranging from semi main cast member Baker to Oskar Schnitzer,

from Frau Linkmeyer to Freddy,

and from Tiger to the guy on the back bunk in barracks 2.

* * *

 **Best original character**

Best original (new) character created for a story that you would have enjoyed seeing in the actual TV-show.

* * *

 **Best portrayal of a visiting crossover character**

Best portrayal of a character from another show in a Hogan's Heroes crossover.

This can be interpreted both as 'portraying the character like s/he is in his/her own show'

and as 'portraying a character in such a way that even someone who doesn't know the show where s/he comes from

can see him/her as an understandable and well-developed character.

* * *

 **Best teaser**

The most tickling teaser or summary that makes you want to read the story right away!

* * *

 **The best quotes**

Here you may nominate 3.

The most interesting (funniest or moving or silly or so very true or...) line or lines you've come across this year.

But: – keep it short (in dialogue max statement - reply - reaction; in descriptive text max three lines (e.g. from capital to period))

– and make sure it makes sense even outside its context.


	4. All Those Pesky Little Questions

.

 **FAQ**

.

 **Q: What is the purpose of the Papa Bear Awards?**

A: The purpose of the Papa Bear Awards is to seek out and give recognition to quality writing, and to acquaint fellow authors and readers with the best work in the fandom of Hogan's Heroes.

* * *

 **Q: How does the PBA work?**

A: First the authors and readers of Hogan's Heroes fanfiction nominate the works completed during 2016 that they consider to be of outstanding quality. All the nominated work goes to the voting round*, in which both authors and readers decide which works are really the very, very best of this past year.

* An exception is the category *best story of 2016*. See _Q: How does the nomination for *best story of 2016* work?_

* * *

 **Q: How do I know which stories are eligible?**

A: You can find the complete listings on the PBA website:

www dot konarciq dot net / fanfiction / papabearawards / index dot html

(take out the spaces and translate to internet speak)

* * *

 **Q: Where do I send my nominations and votes?**

A: You can send them by email to papabearawards at yahoo dot com , alternatively to Papa Bear Awards by ffnet PM.

* * *

 **Q: What exactly are those word counts?**

A: Snapshots are stories of less than 1,000 words.

Short stories (comedy, drama, general) are between 1,000 and 5,000 words.

Long stories (comedy, drama, general) are those that have more than 5,000 words.

The other story categories do not have a division by word count.

* * *

 **Q: This story has 5100 words. Can I nominate it for short story?**

A: No, you can't. The division by word count in the categories drama, comedy, general and snapshot is very strict. No exceptions!

* * *

 **Q: Where do I nominate a story that is listed as (for example) friendship/hurt-comfort? There is no category for those!**

A: When there is no clear category assignment, the author has left the choice entirely up to you. So you may decide for yourself whether you think it would fit best as comedy, drama, general, unique etc.

* * *

 **Q: My favourite story is listed as drama, but I would like to nominate it in the general category. Can I do that?**

A: Yes, you can. Drama, comedy and general stories are up to you to decide in which of those three categories you think they would fit best. However, snapshots, poetry and crossovers should be nominated in their own respective categories, and the stories that are eligible for the categories episode and challenge are given.

Note: this year we do have one crossover and one slash story eligible in the challenge category. Their eligibility there is certainly legit; we'll wait and see how they perform there!

* * *

 **Q: I notice that some of the eligible stories on the list are not marked *complete* on ffnet. How come they are in anyway?**

A: Some authors have reported trouble: ffnet wouldn't let them mark their story or stories as complete. Rest assured that the stories on the list that are not marked as *complete* on ffnet have been double checked with the authors, and are indeed supposed to be complete!

* * *

 **Q: What happened to the slash category?**

A: The number of slash stories is so small this year, that the PBA committee has decided to let them all go straight to the voting round. So there will be no nominating slash stories this year, but they will participate in the voting round.

* * *

 **Q: What happened to the poetry and songfics category?**

A: There is only one eligible poem in the election this year – that's not very practical to have a category by itself. As has been done in previous editions, in circumstances like this, the poem will participate as a story and can be nominated for example as a snapshot. Practice has shown that its chances of winning an award when competing with 'regular' stories are very small, but we let it compete anyway. Next year, when we'll hopefully have some more poems and songfics, the poem in question will be allowed to participate once more, then being eligible only in the poetry category where it will have more fair competition from works of a similar nature.

* * *

 **Q: This story is listed as comedy, general, challenge and episode. That's great! Can I nominate this same story in all four of those categories?**

A: No, you can't. You may nominate one and the same story in only 1 story category. So if you nominate story A in the challenge category, you cannot nominate that same story in episode, general and comedy as well. You need to pick one!

The only category where you may nominate the same story for a second time is the category *best story of 2016*. See below for explanation.

* * *

 **Q: If I nominate my favourite story in (for example) the comedy section, can I still nominate characters, quotes and teasers from that story?**

A: Yes, you can. The restriction of one nomination per story applies only to the story categories (e.g. drama, comedy, general, snapshot, challenge, episode, unique, poetry and crossover). If you like, you could even nominate the teaser and all your quotes and characters from one single story. However, with so many stories to choose from... :-)

* * *

 **Q: I have a story participating in the PBA this year. Is it okay for me to participate in the nominating and voting?**

A: Yes, you are very welcome to participate in the nominating and voting. In fact, most people participating have eligible stories out there. Just make sure you don't nominate your own work!

* * *

 **Q: How do I nominate my favourite story?**

A: You check the PBA homepage to see which stories are eligible this year. Once you've made your decision about what you want to nominate in which category, you can send an email listing your nominations to papabearawards at yahoo dot com . If you want to be sure you include all the necessary information, you can use the template.

* * *

 **Q: Do I have to read all the stories before I decide on my nominations?**

A: No, you don't. Of course it's laudable to try and read all the stories before making your choice, but with the numbers we tend to have in the PBA these past years, it's hardly realistic. In the nomination round, it's perfectly okay to choose your nominations from among the stories you have read – whether they are 10 or 100.

* * *

 **Q: Do I have to nominate in every category?**

A: No, you don't. Feel free to skip the categories you're not interested in.

* * *

 **Q: I'm not interested in crossovers – they tend to be about TV shows I have never seen. Do I have to nominate in that category?**

A: No, you don't have to nominate in every category. You are free to limit yourself to the categories you're interested in.

* * *

 **Q: How many nominations are needed to go to the voting round?**

A: One nomination is sufficient for a story, character, teaser or quote to go to the voting round. The only exception to this rule is the category *best story of 2016* - see below.

* * *

 **Q: How does the nomination for *best story of 2016* work?**

A: You can nominate 1 story in our most prestigious category: the *best story of 2016*. This can be a story you nominated in another story category as well – mind you, this is the only category where you are allowed to do that!

However, this is also the only category where your nomination does not automatically let the story go to the voting round. That depends on the overall number of nominations the story receives.

In short, to go to the voting round in the category *best story of 2016*, a story must:

\- receive at least 1 nomination in the category *best story of 2016*.

\- _and_ it must receive nominations from other people in the story and/or character categories.

Only the stories that have been nominated by the most people will go on to the voting round for *best story of 2016* - we tend to aim at approximately 7 to 10 stories in this category in the voting round.

I know it sounds complicated. Rest assured that the complication is limited to our tabulating the nominations. All _you_ need to do is to nominate your absolute favourite story!

* * *

 **Q: I don't know whether character A was originally a guest character, or whether the author just made him up. Where do I nominate him?**

A: To be on the safe side, you can ask the author, alternatively the PBA staff.

* * *

 **Q: Can I nominate quotes from my own stories, like we did a few years ago?**

A: No, you can't. That option has been dropped this year. No nominations of your own work are allowed in any category.

* * *

 **Q: Where do I find good quotes without rereading every story?**

A: An option is to browse through the reviews. Many reviewers mention a particularly good quote from a chapter in their review.

* * *

 **Q: I'm an author, and I've been contacted that my story has been nominated in three different story categories. And now I have to reject one of them. Why can't my story compete in all three?**

A: In order to prevent having one (or a few) stories dominating the entire PBA like we've had in the past, we now have a rule that a story can only go to the voting round in 2 story categories. (Not counting the *best story of 2016*, so if your story got to the voting round there, too, you might still be competing in three categories!)

Continued from the past years is that the categories for drama, comedy and general stories will be exclusive. No matter if a story got nominated in all three, a story can only compete in *either* drama, *or* comedy, *or* general story. And if they got nominated in for example both comedy and drama, then the author will have to choose, even if that means the story will only go to the voting round in one story category.

Combinations of for example drama with challenge, or comedy with unique, or even challenge with unique are certainly permitted. But not drama plus comedy, or comedy plus general, or general plus drama.

* * *

 **Q: I'm missing a few stories that have been completed this year. Why aren't they eligible?**

A: Three possible reasons.

1) The story has been newly edited and reposted, but has already participated in a previous edition of the PBA.

2) The author has decided to withdraw this particular story from participation in the PBA.

3) If the story has only been published outside ffnet and AO3, we may simply have missed it. If that is the case, please let us know ASAP!

* * *

 **Q: I don't have an ffnet account, but I enjoy reading Hogan's Heroes fanfiction. Can I participate in the nominating and voting of the PBA?**

A: Yes, you can.

* * *

 **Q: How do I vote?**

A: Once it is time to vote, you will find the instructions here.

* * *

 **Q: Where do I send my votes?**

A: You can send them by email to papabearawards at yahoo dot com , alternatively by ffnet PM to Papa Bear Awards. You will always receive a confirmation once your votes have been registered. This could take a few days though, so don't worry if you don't get an instant confirmation.

* * *

 **Q: I heard it was possible to vote in an online survey as well. Where can I find that survey?**

A: Once the voting round starts, the link will be posted here. Make sure though that you have made up your mind about your choices before you start the survey!

* * *

 **Q: Do I have to vote in every category?**

A: No, you don't have to vote in every category. If you are pressed for time, or if some categories simply don't interest you, it's perfectly okay to limit yourself to voting in only a few categories. Or even only one.

* * *

 **Q: My favourite story has been nominated in two categories. Can I vote for that story in both categories?**

A: Yes, you can.

* * *

 **Q: My own story/character/teaser/quote has been nominated. Am I allowed to vote for it now?**

A: Yes, you can vote for your own work, if you are indeed convinced that your work is the best in that category. But be honest about it!

* * *

 **Q: Do I have to read everything before casting my vote?**

A: In order to make a fair and well–considered decision, it is certainly advisable to have read everything in a category before deciding on your vote in that category.

* * *

 **Q: Why can't slash stories and crossovers qualify for "best story of the year"?**

A: The "best story of the year" should be accessible and comprehensible for everyone who enjoys Hogan's Heroes – period. We know (and their authors know) by experience that these two genres have a very limited audience.

Slash stories have the disadvantage that many HH readers (at least according to the posts on the forum and the reviews for slash stories) are not happy with this type of alteration of the canon characters, and they simply refuse to read this type of story.  
And to understand a crossover, you have to be acquainted with another TV-show, movie, book etc. in order to even begin to comprehend the story.  
Therefore, we do not consider stories from these genres suitable to perhaps end up being "the best Hogan's Heroes story that every HHfan should read", no matter how good they are.

As a side note: in none of the past editions of the PBA have stories from these categories made it to the "best of the year" category – not even when it was done by direct nomination.

* * *

 **Q: I would like to help with the PBA organization. Is there anything I can do?**

A: We could still use some help with some smaller tasks, so if you're interested, just drop us a line!

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact us.

 _Enjoy your reading!_


	5. How to Keep Prisoners Quiet (Hopefully!)

.

How to nominate:

Copy and paste this form into an email or a Word document, complete it, and mail it to:

 **papabearawards at yahoo dot com**

no later than Wednesday, February 15th, 2017 at 23:59:59 Hawaii Time.

.

 **Name:**

 **Ffnet or AO3 pen name:**

 **Email address:**

 **.**

 **MY NOMINATIONS FOR THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS:**

 **Best story of 2016:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best snapshot:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best short drama:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best short comedy:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best short general story:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best long drama:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best long comedy:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best long general story:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best story based on a challenge:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best story based on a TV episode:**

Title:

Author:

 **Most unique story:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best crossover story:**

Title:

Author:

 **Best portrayal of a canon character:**

Character:

Story:

Author:

 **Best portrayal of a canon extra:**

Character:

Story:

Author:

 **Best portrayal of an original character:**

Character:

Story:

Author:

 **Best portrayal of an visiting crossover character:**

Character:

Story:

Author:

 **Best teaser:**

Teaser:

Story:

Author:

 **Best quote:**

 _(Remember: max statement - reply - reaction in dialogue; or max 3 lines (from capital to period) descriptive text; and it has to make sense even outside of its context!)_

Quote:

Said by:

Story:

Author:

Quote:

Said by:

Story:

Author:

Quote:

Said by:

Story:

Author:

 _Note: Due to their small number, the slash stories will all go straight to the voting round. So you don't need to nominate anything there._


	6. Heaven

They couldn't help it. Every time they passed each other, they shared a grin. The plan had worked - Stalag 13 was as quiet as a churchyard!

Up in one of the guard towers, Mittendorfer looked dreamily out over the woods. He didn't see trees of course - all he thought of was girls. Blond girls, brown girls, black girls, red girls - and men impersonating girls.

On the other guard tower, Steinmetz was staring off into the distance with a frown on his face. Ever since the event with the heavy water, he had been wondering if there'd be a way to turn heavy water into normal H2O again, like his friend in all innocence originally had proposed that day. Usually, life was too hectic for calm analysis. But with the camp's present state of inactivity, at least he had a chance to roam through his vast knowledge of chemistry in peace to see if there could be any clues the world's science community had missed up till now.

At the gate, Kurtz was slowly walking back and forth, contemplating what to get his little Johanna for her birtday next week. And how to get hold of it.

On the porch of the Kommandantur, Gluck was morosely watching a group of crows acting like they were a menacing RAF squadron attacking Germany. After all, there was nothing else to keep his eyes occupied.

At the motorpool, old Taft had dragged over an empty crate to sit on, and was now lazily sun-bathing in the watery winter sun.

Young Schnüffis on the other hand slowly made his rounds along the perimeter, bending down every now and then to pick up a small pebble. And when he was sure no one was looking, he quickly pulled out his newly crafted catapult, and tried to make the barbed wire sing from a distance by shooting a pebble on it.

Yes. All was well, and all was well in Stalag 13 these days. No monkey business. No strange goings-on. No emergencies. Heaven.

Well, almost.

"Sergeant." Private Muntz saluted eagerly when Schultz slowly began to open one eye.

"Was ist los...?"

"Sergeant, I beg to report that things are not proceeding according to plan."

Schultz's eyebrows lifted. "What do you mean? What plan?"

"The Great Papa Bear Awards Caper, sir. The prisoners..."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Schultz grunted. "We've got our peace and quiet, right? What more do you want?"

"Well..." Muntz hesitated a little. "The prisoners have to let us know their nominations, right?"

"Right."

"But so far, only a handful of them have done so. And the deadline is approaching fast. This Wednesday already! What should we do?"

Schultz shook his head. "I want to do nothing. Nothing at all."

"But... but what if there won't be enough nominations to have a voting round? Our nice quiet time would be over by Thursday then. What do I say - we'd probably have a riot on our hands!"

But once again, Schultz shook his head. "Don't worry, Muntz. The prisoners like the Papa Bear Awards too much. They'll make sure their nominations get through in time."

Muntz looked doubtful, but Schultz waved him away. "Now, hop - off you go. And don't worry. It'll be fine."

* * *

.

.

 _Author's note: Yes, indeed a reminder: the deadline for the nominations for our Papa Bear Awards is coming up fast. This Wednesday, February 15th, is your last chance of sending them in. Don't miss out, even if you only want to nominate in a few categories - you can never be sure that others will nominate your favourites for you!_


	7. Q U I E T ! ! !

"Come on, Schultzie. Don't keep us in suspense," pleaded young Carter. "We want to know which stories made it to the voting round."

"Yeah, can't you hurry it up a bit, Schultzie?" Newkirk took the cigarett butt from his mouth. "You're not getting too old for this job, are you? Maybe some of the younger guards should take over?"

"I wouldn't mind!" young Schnüffis contributed. "That computer thingy looks amazing! Where did you get it?"

Newkirk grinned. "That's something you had better know nothing about, pal."

"We got it before you got here," Carter nevertheless explained. "At the courthouse, when the Fanfic Court was going on."

"Oh, I've heard of that," Schnüffis said. His eyes gleamed with excitement. "Wish I could have been there. Sounds like it was an awful lot of fun!"

"Huh!" Newkirk huffed. "Seeing the Colonel getting diced up in atoms and beamed up to a spaceship? No, thank you, that is not my idea of fun."

Schnüffis' eyes went wide. "He did what?!"

"He didn't. Not really," Carter attempted to explain. "I mean, it was not the Colonel who did it. They did it from the starship. They..."

" _ **QUIET!**_ " came a giant bellow from behind the desk.

Everyone in the room and outside it stared dumbfounded at the rotund sergeant.

"You're all hanging around me waiting for me to finish all the tabulations and registrations and railway stations, but how am I supposed to concentrate with all this ruckus around me? Get out, you boys! Go play! I'll call you as soon as I'm ready."

"But Schultz..." Mittendorfer started plaintively.

But all he got was a shove in the direction of the door. "Out! I need peace, and quiet if I am to complete this task. You'll just have to be patient!"

.

* * *

.

 _Author's note: oh yes, it won't be long now... Keep an eye on this page, for the nominations will in all likelihood get published in the upcoming hours!_


	8. Chapter 8

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST SNAPSHOT**

* * *

.

 **Bottom's Up!**  
by katbybee

 **If a Clod Be Washed Away**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

 **Liberation**  
by Rose_of_Pollux

 **Lucky**  
by Rose_of_Pollux

 **Nightmare**  
by Winterfrost15

 **Sleepless Night**  
by EmeraldObsidian

 **Still Together**  
by ami_ven

 **The Unknown**  
by Lightshiner14

 **Word from London?**  
by Scrap of Paper

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the short drama stories!_


	9. Chapter 9

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST SHORT DRAMA**

* * *

.

 **Bittersuite 1941 – I'll Be Home for Christmas**  
by Dash O'Pepper

 **Final Capture of Stalag 13**  
by dunuelos

 **General Kinchmeyer's Command**  
by Book'em Again

 **Honorable Lies**  
by katbybee

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the short comedies!_


	10. Chapter 10

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST SHORT COMEDY**

* * *

.

 **A Cook's Nightmare**  
by willwrite4fics

 **A Dog's Best Friend is Not a POW**  
by Book'em Again

 **Carter's Lighter**  
by katbybee

 **Ennui**  
by Snooky-9093

 **It's Almost Over: 2016**  
by 80sarcades

 **Never Anger Your Mechanic**  
by willwrite4fics

 **Our Lady of Unsung Heroes**  
by katbybee

 **Unruly POWs Will Not Be Tolerated!**  
by willwrite4fics

 **Well, That Escalated Quickly**  
by Danzinora Switch

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the short general stories!_


	11. Chapter 11

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST SHORT GENERAL STORY**

* * *

.

 **A Little Bit of Honesty Goes a Long, Long Way**  
by 96 Hubbles

 **All Those Memories**  
by Jinzle

 **It's All Just a Dream?**  
by Glossina

 **Keep up the Faith, Baby**  
by dust on the wind

 **Love and Hypothermia**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

 **Penny for the Guy**  
by bytoutatis

 **Surprise!**  
by rosied

 **The Man Who Fell to Earth**  
by Goldleaf83

 **Those Thrilling Days of Yesteryear**  
by whirlyite

 **Treasure Trove**  
by Crystal Rose of Pollux

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the long drama stories!_


	12. Chapter 12

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST LONG DRAMA STORY**

* * *

.

 **1916**  
by Goldleaf83

 **Family Feud**  
by Jennaya

 **Hogan Takes Charge, Somewhat**  
by willwrite4fics

 **Hopes and Dreams**  
by Snooky-9093

 **The Art of Knowing Nothing**  
by last1stnding

 **The Dig**  
by M. Vernet

 **The Heroes, the Defector and the Factory**  
by L.E. Wigman

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the long comedy stories!_


	13. Chapter 13

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST LONG COMEDY STORY**

* * *

.

 **He Ain't Heavy**  
by M. Vernet

 **How to Make Ice-Cream without Ice**  
by Sophia Villo

 **Kids Say the Darndest Things**  
by SamRosinenbomber

 **Luck of the Draw**  
by OLadyOfSpiral

 **Stranded at the Hofbrau**  
by katbybee

 **The Mission Briefing: Mrs Hogan Writes a Letter**  
by Papa Bear Awards (konarciq)

 **Where Did You Learn to Caterwaul Like That – Uh, Sir?**  
by Winterfrost15

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the long general stories!_


	14. Chapter 14

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST LONG GENERAL STORY**

* * *

.

 **Bittersuite 1942 – Please Have Snow and Mistletoe**  
by Dash O'Pepper

 **Coming into the Light**  
by Basketballgirl Kaitlin

 **I Will Hear Your Heart**  
by M. Vernet

 **In Search of a Blissful Night's Sleep**  
by willwrite4fics

 **The Conductor**  
by Book'em Again

 **The One about Baby Bear**  
by MrsBeilschmidt3

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the stories based on a challenge!_


	15. Chapter 15

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST STORY BASED ON A CHALLENGE**

* * *

.

 **A Little Bit of Honesty Goes a Long, Long Way**  
by 96 Hubbles

 **Ennui**  
by Snooky-9093

 **Hogan Takes Charge, Somewhat**  
by willwrite4fics

 **It's All Clear to Me Now**  
by Sgt. Moffitt

 **Nine Reasons to Live**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

 **Penny for the Guy**  
by bytoutatis

 **The Conductor**  
by Book'em Again

 **The Man Who Fell to Earth**  
by Goldleaf83

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the stories based on an episode!_


	16. Chapter 16

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST STORY BASED ON A TV EPISODE**

* * *

.

 **A Dog's Best Friend is Not a POW**  
by Book'em Again

 **Actions Speak Louder than Words**  
by booey875

 **He Ain't Heavy**  
by M. Vernet

 **Keep the Faith, Baby**  
by dust on the wind

 **Stranded at the Hofbrau**  
by katbybee

 **Those Thrilling Days of Yesteryear**  
by whirlyite

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the most unique stories!_


	17. Chapter 17

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **MOST UNIQUE STORIES**

* * *

.

 **Bittersuite 1941 – I'll Be Home for Christmas**  
by Dash O'Pepper

 **Bittersuite 1942 – Please Have Snow and Mistletoe**  
by Dash O'Pepper

 **Can't Tell a Sergeant by his Stripes**  
by M. Vernet

 **It's Almost Over: 2016**  
by 80sarcades

 **Luck of the Draw**  
by OLadyOfSpiral

 **Mission Author Redirect Part 2: The Writer's Curse**  
by Sophia Villo

 **Nine Reasons to Live**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

 **Our Island**  
by Despo

 **One Man Can Make a Difference**  
by Me

 **Past Transgressions**  
by dust on the wind

 **Replay of War**  
by fayremead

 **There is No Such Thing as One Rabbit**  
by konarciq

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the crossovers!_


	18. Chapter 18

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST CROSSOVER STORIES**

* * *

.

 **Allo, Hogan**  
by Book'em Again

 **Past Transgressions**  
by dust on the wind

 **Quantum Heroes**  
by baja-king

 **The Freedom Raid**  
by LCWells

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the slash stories!_


	19. Chapter 19

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST SLASH STORIES**

 _Now that the nomination round is over, the small category of the slash stories will join in the game, too._

* * *

.

 **Amongst All Mortal Women the One I Most Wish to See**  
by Rachaelizame

 **Bedfellows**  
by Settiai

 **Blindspots**  
by Macx

 **Lie**  
by generalsleepy

 **Not a Dame**  
by Pipamonium

 **The Tunnel to Nowhere**  
by Wolfine

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of canon characters!_


	20. Chapter 20

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST PORTRAYAL OF CANON CHARACTERS**

* * *

.

 **Carter**  
in  
 _A Little Bit of Honesty Goes a Long, Long Way_  
by 96 Hubbles

 **Carter**  
in  
 _He Ain't Heavy_  
by M. Vernet

 **Carter**  
in  
 _I Will Hear Your Heart_  
by M. Vernet

 **Hogan**  
in  
 _Actions Speak Louder than Words_  
by booey875

 **Hogan**  
in

 _The Best Laid Plans_  
by willwrite4fics

 **Hogan**  
in  
 _Where Did You Learn to Caterwaul like That – Uh, Sir?_  
by Winterfrost15

 **Kinch**  
in  
 _General Kinchmeyer's Command_  
by Book'em Again

 **Klink**  
in  
 _Unruly POWs Will Not Be Tolerated!_  
by willwrite4fics

 **Newkirk**  
in  
 _Nine Reasons to Live_  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

 **Schultz**  
in  
 _Stranded at the Hofbrau_  
by katbybee

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of canon extras!_


	21. Chapter 21

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST PORTRAYAL OF CANON EXTRAS**

* * *

.

 **Baker**  
in  
 _The Conductor_  
by Book'em Again

 **Gertrude Hogan-Linkmeyer**  
in  
 _It's Almost Over: 2016_  
by 80sarcades

 **Group Captain James Roberts**  
in  
 _Bittersuite 1941 – I'll Be Home for Christmas_  
by Dash O'Pepper

 **Kumasa / Carol Dukes**  
in  
 _Keep the Faith, Baby_  
by dust on the wind

 **Marya**  
in  
 _It's Often Hard Being Wanted by Everyone_  
by willwrite4fics

 **Wilson**  
in  
 _The Dig_  
by M. Vernet

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of original characters!_


	22. Chapter 22

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST PORTRAYAL OF ORIGINAL CHARACTERS**

* * *

.

 **Birgitt**  
in  
 _How to Make Ice-Cream without Ice_  
by Sophia Villo

 **Charles**  
in  
 _Our Island_  
by Despo

 **John Waverley**  
in  
 _Hopes and Dreams_  
by Snooky-9093

 **Lizzy**  
in  
 _Kids Say the Darndest Things_  
by SamRosinenbomber

 **Mammaw**  
in  
 _The Conductor_  
by Book'em Again

 **Robbie "Fireball" Newkirk**  
in  
 _Our Lady of Unsung Heroes_  
by katbybee

 **Sgt. Wiley**  
in  
 _The Man Who Fell to Earth_  
by Goldleaf83

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of the visiting crossover characters!_


	23. Chapter 23

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST PORTRAYAL OF VISITING CROSSOVER CHARACTERS**

* * *

.

 **Al**  
in  
 _Quantum Heroes_  
by baja-king

 **Dietrich**  
in  
 _Just a Clip_  
by Alverrann

 **Gruber**  
in  
 _Allo, Hogan_  
by Book'em Again

 **Hawkeye**  
in  
 _Luck of the Draw_  
by OLadyOfSpiral

 **Inspector Galloway**  
in  
 _Past Transgressions_  
by dust on the wind

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the most tickling teasers!_


	24. Chapter 24

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **MOST TICKLING TEASERS**

* * *

.

 **A nonverbal Hogan meets up with a talkative Marya.  
What could possibly go wrong?**  
 _Story: Actions Speak Louder than Words  
Author: booey875_

.

 **After repeated failed Allied attempts to knock out a local ammunition factory,  
the heroes decide it's time to expand their operations.  
After all, what's a secret rescue, sabotage and intelligence unit  
without their very own private airfield?**  
 _Story: General Kinchmeyer's Command  
Author: Book'em Again_

.

 **Nursing the latest round of wounds inflicted upon them by the ruthless authors,  
the heroes are desperate to redirect the writers' muses towards happier and less painful stories.  
So our heroes issue a "safe" challenge in hopes that they will receive a well deserved break  
and women - lots and lots of women.  
** _Story:_ _The Short Story Speedwriting Challenge: Mission Author Redirection  
Author: Papa Bear Awards (Book'em Again)_

.

 **There are two types of bunnies: regular bunnies, and plot bunnies.  
And both can cause quite some havoc when left to follow their own pursuits...**  
 _Story: There is No Such Thing as One Rabbit  
Author: konarciq_

.

 **Three days have passed since the barracks two gang issued this year's short story contest,  
in the hopes that they'll get a barrage of romantic dates.  
To be sure, the boys start writing their own stories for the challenge,  
taking their fate into their own hands.  
** _Story:_ _Mission Author Redirect Part 2: The Writer's Curse  
Author: Sophia Villo_

.

 **"We're going to pretend this never 'appened.  
Nope. Sorry, Guv. I've got no idea where my shirt went. A well? What well?  
And if you say one word, LeBeau, about 'golden curls, gleaming in the moonlight,'  
I will punch you in the nose."  
** _Story: Love and Hypothermia  
Author: Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit_

.

 **When someone is working on your vehicle, you probably shouldn't make many demands.  
Especially when there's a war on. Especially when they're the enemy.  
And most especially when one is Newkirk.**  
 _Story: Never Anger Your Mechanic  
Author: willwrite4fics_

.

 **With the 50th anniversary of D-Day almost at hand,  
Hogan reunites with former Chief of the German General Staff Karl von Scheider (from "D-Day at Stalag 13").  
An "Act of God" flings their souls (plus a third from the other side of the world)  
back in time to replay the era.**  
 _Story: Replay of War  
Author: fayremead_

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the best quotes!_


	25. Chapter 25

.

 **The Nominated Works**

 **BEST QUOTES**

 _And you may vote for as many as you want!_

 _Note: the numbers listed are purely to make it easier for you. They have no value at all.  
If you want to know where the quotes come from, you'll have to visit the PBA website!_

* * *

.

1  
Another change of the channel.  
TV, the digital frontier, I mused. These are the voyages of the U.S.S. Flatscreen…

.

2  
"Colonel! It's the plot bunny! He's escaped!"  
"Impossible! No one escapes from Stala... What am I saying?"

.

3  
"Colonel Klink has fallen down the well!"  
Hogan stared at the man, figuring that in this universe, Lassie needed to lose weight.

.

4  
"Gee, a guy tries to be a good enemy and we end up doing the Krauts a favor."

.

5  
"Goodnight, dad."  
Hogan looked to see if Newkirk had come in the room behind him,  
but the Englishman was not there, so Lizzy must be addressing him.  
His chest did that funny thing again.

.

6  
He thought back over the crazy events of the last couple of days.  
If he was going to end up killing one of his mates, he wanted to make sure he killed the right one...

.

7  
Hogan was quite proud of his cover story for Klink, that Carter had fallen victim  
to a latent case of North Dakota sleeping sickness.  
He even convinced Klink that South Dakota's sole purpose was to make sure  
North Dakota's populace didn't all fall asleep while smoking in bed and set the state on fire.

.

8  
"How are you so good at this? You ought to be too small."  
"I've never been too small for anything."

.

9  
"How many times do I have to tell you?  
There will be no killing in my café. I can't afford to drive away any customers.  
If you want to kill Germans, you must do so on your own time."

.

10  
"I can hear your heart beating.  
And I swear to you all of our hearts will still be beating when the war is done.  
The eagles will fly into the dawn."

.

11  
"If it was raining soup, I'd only have a fork."

.

12  
"If this continues much longer,  
I could be the first Allied officer to commit Hari Kari by Pickelhaube."

.

13  
"I may still die, but I can do so in a clean uniform."

.

14  
"I still think it makes you look like an old man."  
"Better an old man than a Frenchman."  
"Hey!"

.

15  
"It's like that saying Schultzie taught me, 'The fish starts stinking at the head.'  
I know the Germans like him and all, but he's not a good guy,  
and if you ain't got a good guy in charge, what hope have ya got, win the war or not?"

.

16  
"Newkirk, today I watched a simple plan spiral into a riot,  
handled an explosion with my jacket, helped the kommandant out of the well,  
and gave a dog the Heimlich. It's not even 10.  
My point is: don't ever let me let you take Klink's boots again."

.

17  
"Next guy who thinks it's funny to put on a red shirt and go on a recon mission can go jump off a cliff!"

.

18  
"No. We're not going to put him together with another bunny.  
That's not asking for trouble – that's _pleading_ for trouble."

.

19  
"Now I'm off to do the easy work of today.  
Talk the Krauts into releasing Carter, talk a Cockney thief out of being an arsonist,  
and talk a disgruntled crew of misfits into not being quite as misfitted as usual. Easy stuff."

.

20  
"Our barracks, sir? They've never been in our barracks, sir.  
It's forbidden for coloreds to share a barracks with whites."

.

21  
"Remember President Klink's famous slogan? 'Don't think, vote Klink!'"

.

22  
"Schultz, I give you my word as a gentleman, an officer,  
and most importantly, as an enemy. I will not escape."

.

23  
"That's why I have this complaint about the paint being eaten off my staff car,  
when one of your men poured a bucket _of homemade vodka_ over the hood."  
"Well, it does look like water, sir … it's an understandable mistake."  
"It was on fire at the time, Hogan."

.

24  
"The hard part was digging them out and giving the General the breath of life.  
Yuk. Don't ever taste a General if you don't have to."

.

25  
"The water has broken through the fourth wall."

.

26  
Unbeknownst to Hogan, the other POWs were…  
well, they weren't exactly 'awed' or 'amazed', per se.  
Maybe 'unpleasantly surprised' was a better description.

.

27  
"When you go to serve that ball, just imagine it's Hochstetter's face."

.

28  
"You ignored the primary rule of pranksters, Robbie."  
"What's that?"  
"Don't get caught."

.

* * *

.

 _And now – finally – on to the most prestigious category of all: the best story of 2016...  
_

 _Go check them out!_


	26. Chapter 26

.

 **The Nominated Works**

.

And the best for last:  
the stories that were nominated to compete for the ultimate honour of

 **THE VERY BEST STORY OF 2016!**

* * *

.

 **1916**  
by Goldleaf83

.

 **Bittersuite 1941 – I'll Be Home for Christmas**  
by Dash O'Pepper

.

 **He Ain't Heavy**  
by M. Vernet

.

 **Hopes and Dreams**  
by Snooky-9093

.

 **Keep the Faith, Baby**  
by dust on the wind

.

 **Nine Reasons to Live**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

.

 **Stranded at the Hofbrau**  
by katbybee

.

 **The Conductor**  
by Book'em Again

.

 **Where Did You Lean to Caterwaul Like That – Uh, Sir?**  
by Winterfrost15

* * *

.

 _Read on to learn about this year's voting - with 3 votes in each category!_

.

But first a solid round of applause for WhistleWhileYouWork,  
who did a great job on the double checking!

 **Thank you for a terrific job, WhistleWhileYouWork!**

.

And also a round of applause already for the members of the PBA committee:  
 **Book'em Again, Snooky-9093 and Abracadebra.**  
It's been fairly quiet on the PBA front so far,  
but the job isn't finished yet...


	27. Chapter 27

.

And then it's time for voting!

.

Remember, you have **3 votes** in every category!

* * *

 _How does it work to have 3 votes in each category?  
An example with non-existent stories:_

 _._

 _Nominated:_

 _Hogan's Dog_

 _Carter's Rabbit_

 _Klink's Mouse_

 _Schultz's Cow_

 _Newkirk's Monkey_

 _Kinch's Gopher_

 _LeBeau's Cat_

 _._

 _Voter A just loves all these stories, but having to choose three, he gives 1 vote to Carter's Rabbit, 1 vote to Kinch's Gopher, and 1 vote to Klink's Mouse._

 _Voter B is very particular that Hogan's Dog is the best story. So he decides to give Hogan's Dog his vote, and doesn't use his other 2 votes._

 _Voter C thinks Newkirk's Monkey and Schultz's Cow are by far the best - the rest are definitely of less quality. So he gives 1 vote to Newkirk's Monkey, and 1 vote to Schultz's Cow, and doesn't use his last vote._

* * *

And in the quote category, you may vote for as many as you want – no limits!  
In case that makes things complicated when listing them:  
as you might have noticed, the quotes have been given a number.  
That should make it easier to list your favourites.

Also available on the PBA website are direct links to all the nominated works.  
That should save you some searching on ffnet and elsewhere.

Address of the PBA website:  
 **www dot konarciq dot net / fanfiction / PapaBearAwards / index. html**  
(take out the spaces and translate to internet speak)

And the good news:  
in this round you are allowed to vote for your own work -  
provided you _really_ think it is the best...!

.

Your votes can be sent by email to **papabearawards at yahoo dot com**  
or to Papa Bear Awards by ffnet PM.  
Make sure you include your name and ffnet ID or AO3 ID (if you have one)!

Also available: a comprehensive PBA survey!  
See next chapter for instructions.

.

 **Closing date: Friday, April 7** **th** **, 2017  
at 23.59:59 Hawaii Time!**  
.

The voting is open for everyone who enjoys Hogan's Heroes fanfiction.

.

Every voter will receive a confirmation of the registration of his/her votes within about a week.

And remember: you're only allowed 1 set of votes!  
If you've voted in the survey, don't send in your votes by email or PM as well – and vice versa!

.

Winners in all categories will be announced after the votes are tabulated.  
A Gold, Silver and Bronze award will be awarded for each category – if applicable.

.

So read, enjoy and **vote**!

.

Remember:

 **Closing date is Friday, April 7** **th** **, 2017  
**


	28. Chapter 28

.

Also available: a comprehensive PBA survey!

Web address:

 **www dot surveyplanet dot com / 58a99330b8c13d0abe2564bf  
** (take out the spaces and translate to internet speak)

.

So how does it work?

The survey starts with some basic identification info. It's the same stuff we ask you to include when you vote via email or PM:  
name, ffnet ID and email address.  
Only the two voting tabulators (konarciq and Belphegor) will have access to this information – no one else can see your answers in the survey. It's just as private as sending your votes by email to the papabearawards address.

Then the survey continues with the different categories – one page with a multiple choice question for each category.  
Only the quotes are spread out over several pages – there were too many to fit on one page!  
The survey follows the order of the voting template, to keep it easy for you.

Unfortunately, the website seems to have taken away the possibility of navigating back and forth through the questions – you can only go forward in the survey, not back! Still...  
 **Once you click 'submit' at the end, you can't change your votes anymore!**  
So make sure you've made up your mind about your choices _before_ starting on the survey!

In each category you may cast 3 votes. Or 1, or 2, or none at all, as explained in the previous chapter.

And in the quotes section, you can cast as many votes as you like.  
It is no problem to skip a question in the survey.  
Just click on 'next', and you'll go on to the next category.  
Only the identification questions *must* be answered before you can continue.

The final page asks you if you're really sure you don't want to change anything anymore,  
and if you are, you click on 'submit' – and that's it: you've voted!

 **Closing date for submitting your votes:**

 _ **April 7**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2017**_


	29. Chapter 29

_._

 _An easy template for voting.  
If you like, you can simply copy this into an email or a Word document, complete it,  
and send it to __**papabearawards at yahoo dot com**_ _!_  
 _It can also be found on the PBA website – where there is no no-copy script!_

 **Name:**

 **FFnet ID or AO3 ID:**

 **Email address:**

.

 **MY VOTES FOR THE PAPA BEAR AWARDS:**

 **Best story of 2016:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best snapshot:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best short drama:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best short comedy:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best short general story:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best long drama story:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best long comedy story:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best long general story:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best story based on a challenge:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best story based on a TV episode:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Most unique story:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best crossover story:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best slash story:**

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

Title:  
Author:

 **Best portrayal of a canon character:**

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

 **Best portrayal of a canon extra:**

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

 **Best portrayal of an original character:**

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

 **Best portrayal of a visiting crossover character:**

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

Character:  
Story:  
Author:

 **Best teaser:**

Teaser:  
Story:

Teaser:  
Story:

Teaser:  
Story:

 **Best quote:**

 _You may vote for as many as you want – so feel free to add more if necessary! If you want to do it the easy way, you can simply vote with the numbers listed with the quotes in chapter 21, and on the PBA website._ :-)

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

 **Closing date for sending in your votes:**

 _ **April 7**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2017**_


	30. Nothing! Nothing at all!

"You know," Telemann mused as he picked up his rifle again after the umpteenth failed juggling attempt, "This is actually going better than we expected. We've had nearly three months of absolute peace and quiet around here, yet Schultz tells me that there've only been a handful of voters so far."

Schnüffis frowned. "What's good about that?"

"Don't you see? With so few votes to count, we'll be done in half an hour or so. Okay, that's when the old pandemonium will be breaking loose again, but think how little we've actually had to do for three months of peace and quiet!"

"Hm..." Schnüffis turned away. "To be honest, I think it's been rather boring around here lately. Nothing ever happens. You know, if front duty wasn't so bloody hazardous, I'd be tempted to volunteer for that instead."

Telemann grinned. "Don't worry - things will get back to normal again after Friday."

"That's still a full seven days away," Schnüffis groused. But then his face brightened. "Maybe I could..."

"What?"

"Nothing." Schnüffis did little to hide his beaming smile. "Nothing at all!" And off he went to the motorpool...

.

* * *

 _Author's Note: Uh-oh... now what is he up to? Anyway, just a reminder in case you haven't had a chance to send in your PBA votes: the deadline is this Friday, April 7th, at 23.59.59 Hawaii Time. In short, as long as it's still Friday, April 7th 2017 *somewhere* on this planet, you can still send in your votes._


	31. An Emergency Waiting to Happen

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Eaeaeah...! Plonk! Prt prt prt prt prt... Bang! Boom! Toc toc toc toc toc toc toc toc..._

In his favourite spot, seated on a bench in the sun, leaning against one of the barracks, Schultz's frown deepened. What was that noise? Weren't the prisoners supposed to be quietly reading for at least another 40 hours or so?

He opened one eye and looked around. "Hey, you!" he called out to one of the guards who was ambling across the compound.

Kurtz quickly came over. "Yes, Sergeant?"

Schultz struggled to sit up a little. "Kurtz, what is going on there?"

"Um..." Kurtz shuffled his feet a bit.

"Well?"

"It's Schnüffis, Sergeant. But I don't know what he's doing. He has taken over the guard duty of the motor pool around the clock, and won't let anyone near."

"Well, if you see him, tell him to be a bit more quiet," Schultz ordered. "I want to enjoy my last piece of peace and quiet this year in peace and quiet."

"Yes, Sergeant." Kurtz saluted, and marched off towards the motor pool to pass on the order.

It wasn't difficult to find Schnüffis there, even if he had locked everyone else out of the area. All you had to do was locate the source of the ongoing noise. "Hey, Schnüffis!" Kurtz called.

"What?" came the muffled reply from somewhere under cover.

"The Sergeant wants you to stop making so much noise."

"Too bad. I'm busy."

Kurtz tilted his head. "What are you doing anyway?"

"You know what?" Schnüffis's black smeared face popped up from under a tarpaulin. "I think it's best if you know nothing. _No-thing_!" He grinned. "Well, at least for now."

"And when are we allowed to know?"

"As soon as it happens. But there is one thing you might want to practise beforehand."

"And what's that?"

"How to say, _'emergency'_. Believe me, you're gonna need it!"

"Why?"

"Because..." Schnüffis petted the big whatchamacallit under the tarpaulin. " _This_ is an emergency. In fact, it's an emergency waiting to happen!"

* * *

.

 _Author's Note: Uh-oh again... What on earth could our young and restless guard be building? To be honest, I have as little idea as you do, so I hope we'll find out together as the story progresses in the upcoming days!_

 _Meanwhile, if you haven't sent in your PBA votes yet, you better be quick now. Tomorrow night is your deadline. Basically, as long as it's still Friday, April 7th somewhere on this planet, you can still send in your votes. That equals to (approximately) Saturday evening for our Australian friends, Saturday midday for the Europeans, and the night from Friday to Saturday for the Americans._


	32. Chaos!

Night had fallen over Stalag 13. And even the frantic hammering, banging and nattering from the motorpool area had ceased. The night was a peaceful one for a change. No bombing raids, no planes in the air, no ack-ack batteries shooting them down, not even a car or a squeaky bicycle on the road. Even the weather was calm. For once, one could sleep peacefully.

But there was one man who refused to go to sleep. He had ensconced himself in the Kommandant's office, with a whole pile of papers spread out around him. Papers he kept reading and putting aside, and others where he kept making marks on. What on earth could he be doing? Let's listen in a little.

"There now. If I do this when everyone is asleep, I can do it much better. I do not like to be harrassed when I'm doing administration. I'm not the Kommandant - it needs my full attention. And this way..." A grumbling chuckle. "This way I can surprise the men tomorrow morning with the results. I only hope there is a little Strudel in there for me. Going a whole night without sleep... That's what I call going above and beyond one's duty. I ought to give myself a three-day-pass for that!"

He rummaged a little in one of Klink's drawers. But just as he found what he was looking for...

"Cuckuckelikooooh!"

Caught in the act by some early rooster from a nearby farm, Schultz dropped the paper as if it had burnt him. "I didn't take that!" he breathed. "I took nothing - nothing!" And he quickly shut the drawer.

And that's when he heard it. A motor starting. Somewhere nearby. A victorious cry made him jump up and run to the windows. And peek out through the black-out curtains.

What he saw defied all credulity.

From somewhere behind the barracks, a life-size, steam-spouting dinosaur was moving into the compound!

Pretty much paralyzed, Schultz dropped the curtain. What was Colonel Hogan up to this time?!

Carefully, he peeked again. And gulped at the sight of the beast's wild, red burning eyes. And the mighty roar that rolled through the compound, scattering guards in every direction.

From the Kommandant's quarters came a distinct howl. "Schultz! What is going on here? What is that dinosaur doing in my camp?"

Schultz shook himself. Whatever was going on here, he'd better go and see the Kommandant.

But as he quickly made his way through the inner passage, the sounds outside grew more and more alarming. Splintering of wood, snapping of metal, yelling prisoners and barking dogs...

"Kommandant Klink, this is an outrage!" he heard someone shout over the din (probably Colonel Hogan). "The Geneva Convention says that... whaaaa! Run for your lives!"

By the time he reached the Kommandant's quarters, it sounded like the entire forest around Stalag 13 was being demolished.

"Get the firehose!" someone shouted.

"Women and children first!"

"Where is my sword?"

"Forget the sword. We'll need a tank to stop that monster!"

More buldering and rumbling, and someone yelling to confine the prisoners to the barracks.

"Schultz!" The Kommandant grabbed his sergeant by the shoulders in utter panic. "What is going on? What is that dinosaur doing here?"

"I do not know, Herr Kommandant. I know nothing - nothing!"

"Oh, you...! Go catch it!"

Schultz's eyes bulged. "Catch a dinosaur? Herr Kommandant, I don't think that..."

 _"Now!"_

A gulp. "Jawohl, Herr Kommandant."

With a final puppy dog look, Schultz turned to brave the lethal dangers in the compound.

He had barely stepped out the door when a massive cloud of steam, followed by a fierce jet of water made him stagger back.

"All hands on deck!" Captain Gruber roared in the background. "Kill that monster, even if it kills you!"

As Schultz cleared his vision, he saw Colonel Hogan coming around the giant monster. He had to dodge the fierce tail a few times, but he made it safely to the porch of the Kommandantur.

"Schultz, what is going on? What is this menace?"

Schultz's eyes bulged. "Don't you know?"

"No, I don't know! I have nothing to do with this! What...!"

But then they had to run for their lives as the fiery dinosaur turned in their direction and started to tear the Kommandantur to pieces. Papers went flying everywhere, and nobody paid any attention to them at all - after all, who cares about the Kommandant's eternal paperwork?

"Colonel!" Carter joined them, trying to take cover behind the well. "We've got a plan. I can jump on his back and tame him. I used to do rodeo riding back home in Bull Frog. I think I can handle him."

Hogan rolled his eyes. "A dinosaur? It's not exactly a bull, Carter. Besides..."

"Why not? What other hope have we got?" Schultz overrode Hogan's protests and pushed Carter in the direction of the fuming dinosaur.

"It's suicide!" Hogan declared. "I can't let my men... The Geneva Convention, you know." He paused. "Alright. He can do it, but we will have to provide a distraction." And he pulled Schultz along, right into the destructive path of the beast as he began to demolish the first barracks.

"Maybe we need a white flag," Schultz panted.

"Don't be ridiculous. Dinosaurs don't follow the rules of modern warfare," Hogan scoffed as he waved his arms about.

It took some doing for Carter to scramble up the finns on the beast's tail, and all that time, Hogan and Schultz (and Kinch, Newkirk and LeBeau who had joined in) had to keep the dinosaur distracted. Not that it helped much... One barracks after another was leveled, and it wasn't until there wasn't a single hut standing that a second victorious cry echoed against the woods. "Yihaaa!"

Instantly, the dinosaur reared up, but Carter clutched at the finns to stay in the saddle (so to speak).

Maybe it shouldn't have done that.

For slowly, ever so slowly, its heavy form began to lean over to the right.

And finally there it was.

The crash. Metal against metal, and metal against sand.

And that's when the ground gave way.

Smoke and dust clouds filled the air, and in the end, two men climbed coughing out of the massive hole.

Schultz's eyes distended. "Schnüffis? How did you get there? What is this thing, what is going on here?"

Schnüffis grinned. "This, Sergeant, is my emergency waiting to happen!"

"Wrong - it's already happened," Hogan corrected him. "Have you taken a look around? This is supposed to be a prison camp. It looks like a fresh demolition site. We can't film a TV show here!"

"And besides," Schultz added. "Your little prank has caused all the papers from the Papa Bear Awards to get scattered around. Now how do we know which stories won?"

"What?" reacted everyone around. "We won't know who won? We can't have that! Search the grounds, people! Find those papers!"

Fortunately, after some frenzied running around, all the papers were recovered. (Well, we believe we got all the papers back.) Schultz put them neatly in the right order again, and was instantly crowded with curious prisoners and guards. "So who won?" everyone kept asking.

"Alright, alright. Back, back back back back! Back, back back back back!" Schultz waved everyone away. "I'll tell you the results if you give some room to breathe! And if Schnüffis promises to clean up this major mess he made!"

"Sure." Schnüffis shrugged. "No problem." And as he leaned over to his mate Kurtz, he whispered, "I'll just press Mr. Feldman's magic reset button."


	33. Chapter 33

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE SNAPSHOT CATEGORY**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **IF A CLOD BE WASHED AWAY  
** by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

 **.**

 **SILVER**

 **LIBERATION  
** by Rose_of_Pollux

.

 **BRONZE**

 **BOTTOM'S UP!**  
by katbybee

and

 **NIGHTMARE**  
by Winterfrost15

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the short drama stories!_


	34. Chapter 34

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE SHORT DRAMA CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **BITTERSUITE - I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS**  
by Dash O'Pepper

.

 **SILVER**

 **GENERAL KINCHMEYER'S COMMAND**  
by Book'em Again

.

 **BRONZE**

 **HONORABLE LIES**  
by katbybee

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the short comedies!_


	35. Chapter 35

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE SHORT COMEDY CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **NEVER ANGER YOUR MECHANIC  
** by willwrite4fics

and

 **WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY  
** by Danzinora Switch

 **.**

 **SILVER**

 **ENNUI** by Snooky-9093

.

 **BRONZE**

 **A DOG'S BEST FRIEND IS NOT A POW**  
by Book'em Again

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the short general stories!_


	36. Chapter 36

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE SHORT GENERAL STORY CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **A LITTLE BIT OF HONESTY GOES A LONG, LONG WAY**  
by 96 Hubbles

and

 **THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH**  
by Goldleaf83

.

 **SILVER**

 **LOVE AND HYPOTHERMIA**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

.

 **BRONZE**

 **KEEP THE FAITH, BABY**  
by dust on the wind

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the long drama stories!_


	37. Chapter 37

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE LONG DRAMA CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **HOPES AND DREAMS  
** by Snooky-9093

 **.**

 **SILVER**

 **1916**  
by Goldleaf83

.

 **BRONZE**

 **HOGAN TAKES CHARGE, SOMEWHAT**  
by willwrite4fics

and

 **THE ART OF KNOWING NOTHING**  
by last1stnding

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the long comedy stories!_


	38. Chapter 38

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE LONG COMEDY CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **HOW TO MAKE ICE-CREAM WITHOUT ICE  
** by Sophia Villo

.

 **SILVER**

 **LUCK OF THE DRAW  
** by OLadyOfSpiral

and

 **WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO CATERWAUL LIKE THAT - UH, SIR?**  
by Winterfrost15

.

 **BRONZE**

 **HE AIN'T HEAVY**  
by M. Vernet

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the long general stories!_


	39. Chapter 39

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE LONG GENERAL STORY CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **THE CONDUCTOR  
** by Book'em Again

 **.**

 **SILVER**

 **BITTERSUITE 1942 - PLEASE HAVE SNOW AND MISTLETOE  
** by Dash O'Pepper

.

 **BRONZE**

 **I WILL HEAR YOUR HEART**  
by M. Vernet

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the stories based on a challenge!_


	40. Chapter 40

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE CHALLENGE CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **A LITTLE BIT OF HONESTY GOES A LONG, LONG WAY**  
by 96 Hubbles

.

 **SILVER**

 **ENNUI**  
by Snooky-9093

.

 **BRONZE**

 **HOGAN TAKES CHARGE, SOMEWHAT**  
by willwrite4fics

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the stories based on an episode!_


	41. Chapter 41

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE EPISODE CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **THOSE THRILLING DAYS OF YESTERYEAR  
** by whirlyite

.

 **SILVER**

 **A DOG'S BEST FRIEND IS NOT A POW  
** by Book'em Again

.

 **HE AIN'T HEAVY  
** by M. Vernet

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the most unique stories!_


	42. Chapter 42

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE UNIQUE CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **CAN'T TELL A SERGEANT BY HIS STRIPES  
** by M. Vernet

and

 **THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ONE RABBIT  
** by konarciq

.

 **SILVER**

 **REPLAY OF WAR  
** by fayremead

.

 **BRONZE**

 **LUCK OF THE DRAW  
** by OLadyOfSpiral

and

 **NINE REASONS TO LIVE**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the crossovers!_


	43. Chapter 43

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE CROSSOVER CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **ALLO HOGAN  
** by Book'em Again

.

 **SILVER**

 **QUANTUM HEROES  
** by baja-king

.

 **BRONZE**

 **PAST TRANSGRESSIONS**  
by dust on the wind

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the slash stories!_


	44. Chapter 44

.

 **PBA WINNERS IN THE SLASH CATEGORY  
**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **BLINDSPOTS  
** by Macx

.

 **SILVER**

 **LIE  
** by generalsleepy

.

 **BRONZE**

 **AMONGST ALL MORTAL WOMEN THE ONE I MOST WISH TO SEE  
** by Rachaelizame

and

 **BEDFELLOWS  
** by Settiai

and

 **NOT A DAME  
** by Pipamonium

and

 **THE TUNNEL TO NOWHERE  
** by Wolfine

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of canon characters!_


	45. Chapter 45

.

 **PBA WINNERS FOR THE PORTRAYAL OF CANON CHARACTERS**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **CARTER**  
in  
 ** _A Little Bit of Honesty Goes a Long, Long Way_**  
by 96 Hubbles

.

 **SILVER**

 **NEWKIRK**  
in  
 ** _Nine Reasons to Live_**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

.

 **BRONZE**

 **KINCH  
** in  
 ** _General Kinchmeyer's Command_**  
by Book'em Again

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of canon extras!_


	46. Chapter 46

.

 **PBA WINNERS FOR THE PORTRAYAL OF CANON EXTRAS**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **BAKER**  
in  
 ** _The Conductor_**  
by Book'em Again

.

 **SILVER**

 **KUMASA / CAROL DUKES**  
in  
 ** _Keep the Faith, Baby_**  
by dust on the wind

.

 **BRONZE**

 ** **GROUP CAPTAIN JAMES ROBERTS**  
** in **  
 _Bittersuite 1941 – I'll Be Home for Christmas_  
** by Dash O'Pepper

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of original characters!_


	47. Chapter 47

.

 **PBA WINNERS FOR THE PORTRAYAL OF ORIGINAL CHARACTERS**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **SGT. WILEY  
** in **  
 _The Man Who Fell to Earth_  
** by Goldleaf83

.

 **SILVER**

 **JOHN WAVERLEY**  
in  
 ** _Hopes and Dreams_**  
by Snooky-9093

and

 **LIZZY**  
in  
 ** _Kids Say the Darndest Things_**  
by SamRosinenbomber

.

 **BRONZE**

 **BIRGITT**  
in  
 ** _How to Make Ice-Cream without Ice_**  
by Sophia Villo

and

 **MAMMAW**  
in  
 ** _The Conductor_**  
by Book'em Again

and

 **ROBBIE 'FIREBALL' NEWKIRK**  
in  
 ** _Our Lady of Unsung Heroes_**  
by katbybee

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the portrayal of the visiting crossover characters!_


	48. Chapter 48

.

 **PBA WINNERS FOR THE PORTRAYAL OF VISITING CROSSOVER CHARACTERS**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **AL**  
in  
 ** _Quantum Heroes_**  
by baja-king

.

 **SILVER**

 **GRUBER**  
in  
 ** _Allo Hogan_**  
by Book'em Again

and

 **INSPECTOR GALLOWAY**  
in  
 ** _Past Transgressions_**  
by dust on the wind

.

 **BRONZE**

 **Hawkeye**  
in  
 ** _Luck of the Draw_**  
by OLadyOfSpiral

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the most tickling teasers!_


	49. Chapter 49

.

 **PBA WINNERS FOR THE MOST TICKLING TEASERS**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **When someone is working on your vehicle, you probably shouldn't make many demands.  
Especially when there's a war on. Especially when they're the enemy.  
And most especially when one is Newkirk.**  
 _Story: Never Anger Your Mechanic  
Author: willwrite4fics_

.

 **SILVER**

 **"We're going to pretend this never 'appened.  
Nope. Sorry, Guv. I've got no idea where my shirt went. A well? What well?  
And if you say one word, LeBeau, about 'golden curls, gleaming in the moonlight,'  
I will punch you in the nose."  
** _Story: Love and Hypothermia  
Author: Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit_

 _._

 **BRONZE**

 **There are two types of bunnies: regular bunnies, and plot bunnies.  
And both can cause quite some havoc when left to follow their own pursuits...**  
 _Story: There is No Such Thing as One Rabbit  
Author: konarciq_

* * *

.

 _Turn over to find out about the best quotes!_


	50. Chapter 50

.

 **PBA WINNERS FOR THE BEST QUOTES**

* * *

 **GOLD**

"That's why I have this complaint about the paint being eaten off my staff car,  
when one of your men poured a bucket _of homemade vodka_ over the hood."  
"Well, it does look like water, sir … it's an understandable mistake."  
"It was on fire at the time, Hogan."  
 _Said by: Klink and Hogan  
Story: Unruly POWs Will Not Be Tolerated  
Author: willwrite4fics_

 _._

 **SILVER**

Hogan was quite proud of his cover story for Klink, that Carter had fallen victim  
to a latent case of North Dakota sleeping sickness.  
He even convinced Klink that South Dakota's sole purpose was to make sure  
North Dakota's populace didn't all fall asleep while smoking in bed and set the state on fire.  
 _Said by: narrator  
Story: He Ain't Heavy  
Author: M. Vernet_

and

"Newkirk, today I watched a simple plan spiral into a riot,  
handled an explosion with my jacket, helped the kommandant out of the well,  
and gave a dog the Heimlich. It's not even 10.  
My point is: don't ever let me let you take Klink's boots again."  
 _Said by: Hogan  
Story: Well, that Escalated Quickly  
Author: Danzinora Switch_

.

 **BRONZE  
**

"Colonel! It's the plot bunny! He's escaped!"  
"Impossible! No one escapes from Stala... What am I saying?"  
 _Said by: Carter and Hogan_  
 _Story: There is No Such Thing as One Rabbit_  
 _Author: konarciq_

and

"Colonel Klink has fallen down the well!"  
Hogan stared at the man, figuring that in this universe, Lassie needed to lose weight.  
 _Said by: Schultz and narrator_  
 _Story: Well, that Escalated Quickly_  
 _Author: Danzinora Switch_

and

He thought back over the crazy events of the last couple of days.  
If he was going to end up killing one of his mates, he wanted to make sure he killed the right one...  
 _Said by: Newkirk (as narrator)_  
 _Story: Bottom's Up!_  
 _Author: katbybee_

and

"If it was raining soup, I'd only have a fork."  
 _Said by: Newkirk_  
 _Story: Ennui_  
 _Author: Snooky-9093_

.

* * *

.

 _And now – finally – on to the most prestigious category of all: the best story of 2016...  
_

 _Go check them out!_


	51. Chapter 51

.

And the best for last:

 **THE PBA WINNERS OF THE VERY BEST STORY OF 2016!**

* * *

.

 **GOLD**

 **1916**  
by Goldleaf83

and

 **NINE REASONS TO LIVE**  
by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

.

 **SILVER**

 **HE AIN'T HEAVY**  
by M. Vernet

and

 **HOPES AND DREAMS**  
by Snooky-9093

and

 **THE CONDUCTOR**  
by Book'em Again

.

 **BRONZE**

 **KEEP THE FAITH, BABY**  
by dust on the wind

and

 **WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO CATERWAUL LIKE THAT - UH, SIR?**  
by Winterfrost15

.

* * *

.

 _Author's note:_

 _._

 _Well, that's all for now, folks!_  
 _Congratulations to all the winners, as well as to all the nominees who put up such a good fight.  
If you didn't win anything, but would like to know how your nominated work did,  
feel free to drop a line to me (konarciq) via PM or mail, and I'll give you your personal results.  
_

 _._

 _But first a solid round of applause for Belphegor,_  
 _who did a great job on the double checking!_

 _ **Thank you for a terrific job, Belphegor!**_

 _._

 _A great thank you, too, to everyone who sent in their nominations and their votes – without you guys, there wouldn't be a PBA!_  
 _And it's great to see so much enthusiasm, year after year after year,_  
 _and every time with new people joining in!_

 ** _Another great thank you to WhistleWhileYouWork, Winterfrost15, Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit, Basketballgirl Kaitlin and_** ** _Snooky-9093_** _,_  
 _who made this fun competition possible this year with their invaluable assistance._

 _And also a round of applause already for the members of the PBA committee:_  
 _ **Book'em Again, Snooky-9093 and Abracadebra.**_  
 _It's been fairly quiet on the PBA front this year,_  
 _but you were there whenever I needed a soundboard!_

 _._

 _Then an important request:_  
 **Can all the winners please report by email to papabearawards at yahoo dot com**  
 _in order to get their award(s) sent out?_  
 _They will be designed this year by Winterfrost15,_  
 _and from what I've seen, it looks great!_

 _._

 _The winning stories (gold, silver and bronze!) will shortly be included in the ffnet community with the PBA winners from the past years._

 _They will some time in the foreseeable future be listed on the PBA website as well, but I can't promise you when I'll get around to do that ;-)  
(I still need to do that for last year's winners as well... and I believe the year before as well... Hm... )  
_

* * *

 _._

 _So now we're back to happily reading. And writing._

 _Thank you all for your infectious enthusiasm, and I hope to see your new stories, nominations and votes again next time around!_

 _._

 _Your librarian,_

 _konarciq_  
 _(who would like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who voted for her work!)_


End file.
